18 years and 43 days
So my daughter is 18 years and 43 days old, and is apparently ready for what the world has to offer. Yesterday in typical fashion she determined that faced with the choice of following the rules or finding somewhere else to live that the latter route was the one to take. So with 5 trash bags of mostly unwashed clothes she set off to spend the night at a friends house, well her friends parents house… It was a one night offer so where she goes after that is anyone’s guess.
I guess I should clarify the rules that are so impossible to live with:
1. She has a 10PM curfew on weekdays, although we ALWAYS extend it on demand, we just don’t want her trampsing in at any old time, we have two small children in the house, and both my wife and I have to get up early in the morning.
2. She has a 1AM curfew on weekends, again ALWAYS extended on demand
3. She has one chore a day, either to wash the dishes she can’t fit in the dishwasher, not dry them mind, just wash. OR to collect up the trash on trash days.
4. She has to keep her room and more importantly her bathroom in order
5. She can have her boyfriend over 3 nights a week, mainly because it sucks having company 24/7 and believe me that is what it would be if she had her way.
6. When her boyfriend is over the bedroom door stays open and they stay on top of the covers.
7. No incoming calls after 11PM on the main line, mind she can make calls and use her cell phone.
8. And lastly, and this is the big one, on Thursdays, she is to come home alone so that if we need to talk to her then we at least have an opportunity. Thursday is officially "stay home night" but we normally let her out after we have talked to her.
OK, so now you know the rules of the house, 8 simple rules. now for the meat of the story.....
She has been planning to use a "Senior skip" day for today (Friday) for some time now. It is her boyfriends birthday and she wanted to spend it with him. On Wednesday she decided that she needed to take another one so that she could shop for his birthday present, because they are so pathetic she hadn’t had a moment where she was alone to get him anything. Of course when he found out she was skipping he skipped school too and they spent the day together instead. So on Thursday morning she decided that she couldn’t be bothered to go in that day either, and wanted my wife to phone her in sick. Well …. 1) we don’t do that. 2) she is old enough now that she could do it herself 3) She doesn’t need to be missing 3 days in a row, especially as it is already a 3 day weekend. So my wife refused to call her in and what’s more told her that it was Thursday, and so don’t be expecting to go anywhere tonight, We will have plenty to talk about.
D: "well I’m not going to be here"
W: "Errr yes you will, the rule is that Thursday is stay home night"
D: "Well I’m going out all day"
W: "as long as you are home at 6 "
D: "Well that’s the point I’m not going to be here"
W: "So you are telling me out are not going to go by the rules after I have specifically laid it down?"
D: "I guess so"
W: "Then you had better give me the car keys and take your clothes with you, Either you go by the rules or you find somewhere else to live"
D: "Fine"
And with that the dice are cast. She has no money, no car, no where to go, and her boyfriend is pissed at her, (He is 19 and has a 9.30 PM curfew, no exceptions) I have no idea what she will do, my guess we shall see her back sooner or later, I’ll be impressed if she makes it through the weekend. Last time there was a bust up I pleaded for her to stay, we decided then that next time we would just let her go, well next time is apon us. :-(
On a lighter note, my family arrive today!
11 Comments:
Huh. The rules seem reasonable to me. I mean, they're more lenient than the one's my X laid down for me. Except the boyfriend part. He didn't want my boyfriends around. Strange that.
Anyway, yeah, I was supposed to be home before 10pm all nights. No phone calls after 9pm. The chores, gah, the chores!
Ha ha ha.
Sorry. Couldn't resist. I'm sorry your daughter is being defiant. I guess we're all having some sort of family crisis this week? (sigh) Here's a bloggy hug to you and your wife. Don't know if it helps, but I do care.
my life is all over the place right now, I have one daughter leaving, another arriving, the post office is putting my house in jepordy and I have a Motley Crue concert to go to tonight!
Stop the world, I wanna get off!
RedFred, you insensitive Nazi, how dare you actually implement rules on your daughter? Are you trying to bring up a well rounded citizen in our community? What are you thinking?
Seriously, those rules are nothing compared to what I'm going to use on my girls.
One more thing, how are you going to react when she comes back crawling?
Hi RedFred. Thanks for stopping by my site.
My son just turned 18 last week. However, since he is so involved with the fire department, he spends most of his time there. He no longer has a GF after 1 1/2 years they were together. She caused him a lot of trouble... with the law. I think he has decided that being at the fire station putting in excesive volunteer time is the best for him. Our rules are pretty straight forward, main line must not ring after 9pm. They can make calls out or use their cell phones. 9pm is the magic time... be home at that time or else. However, I keep a scanner by me so that I can hear what is going on with the fire station. If I know he is on a call at 8:30, I won't expect him home at 9 and therefore, he calls me to let me know that he will be home as soon as the call is done. Weekends, midnight is the majic time. Our county has a curfew for teens. Being that he is 18 it doesn't apply to him, but he doesn't really know that. LOL But usually on Saturday nights, he will spend the night at the station anyways, so I dont' usually see him.
My daughter is 14 and so she has the same rules. She is home more than she isn't and since our family always keeps the lines of communication open, we dont' necessarily have talk nights. We all talk all the time and so I know what is going on with their lives and what needs to be done. They have chores and they do them, though my daughter has to be reminded of hers.
I'm sorry to hear that your daughter is giving you guys a lot of grief. She will be back home when she realizes that its not that easy. I moved out of my mom and dad's when I was 17/18 and I had my son who was 2 months old. It was hard, but I had to do it to prove to my parents that I could take care of my son on my own, because she wanted to take custody of him from me. Thats a whole nother story for another day. I wish you and your wife the best with this. Its going to be hard. I'll be thinking of you both.
Wow, my Dad was so leniant in comparison, which is probably why I felt fully capable of moving to the otherside of the world 2 weeks after my 18th! He pretty much let me look after myself, after living with my mum until I was 15 and pretty much looking after her 24/7 I think he just found it strange that all of a sudden he had a daughter, and I wasn't quite the little girl he had imagined.
She'll come back with her tail between her legs, you did the right thing by just letting her go, she'll learn and come back, sometimes I guess we just need that bit of freedom to learn that maybe we don't want it quite as much as we thought.
i agree.. i think the rules are reaonable.. to our standards (
asia) here, they are actually very lenient..
18 is the age to be defient and rebellious.. think it will be difficult to do anything more on your side now to explain things to her..
hope that she will be back soon, and realize how much you and your wife care and love her.
Jethro Unfortunatly once they get to 18 and have that hair brained notion that they know better than anyone else and can conquor the world you had better have made sure you have made all the impressions you wanted to make well ahead of time.
We have told her that we have and always will have an open door for her. as long as she follows the rules.
HarleyQuinn NP on visiting your site, the pleasure was all mine.
I'm glad you are having more luck with your 18 year old than I am with mine, it gives me hope that she sn't a template for the other 3! I myself stayed in the family home until I was 23 and bought my first home, I was smart enough to realize what a good thing i was on to. My daughter has so much she is giving up for the amount of freedom she is thinking she will gain. The curfews are more to keep the peace in the house rather than to restrict her, like I said we always extend them when she wants, even if she calls every night, we do have 5 and 3 year olds in the house and we would rather they were not woken up by her crashing throught the house at 3 or 4am.
Fren Are our rules really that bad? I honestly value your opinion, while reading your blog you reming me very much of my daughter, your blog where you said that sometimes you wish you were safe back at home is what really worries me about my daughter. Now she is only 2 miles down the road but still she will miss those home comforts. why be in such a hurry to grow up?
Thank you Iuh, that exactly sums up how I feel right now. I know she is going to do this now, I don't agree with it, and I think she will live to regret it but I realy have exhausted my every means to make her understand. Now for her sake I will do all that I can to help her prove me wrong, and I honestly truely hope that she does, and if not I will be there to pick up the pieces. Thanks again for your comment.
They're not bad, they're just very different from the rules my father set for me - which, to be honest, was pretty much none, no curfews, I could use the phone whenever I liked, generally the only time we had family time is when I pinned him down and demanded that he spend some time with me. So as far as parenting styles go I don't think that can really be compared!
I think she just needs to taste 'the other side' she'll love it for the first few weeks, but will run out of money or her friends will lose their patience and she'll realise that this is not quite what she wanted, not yet anyway. I'm sure she will come back soon, I sometimes wish that I could just go back home, undo the growing up I forced myself to do, but unfortunately I'm not just 2 miles away. My father would tell you just how lucky you are that although she's gone she's not 12,000 miles away, I know that breaks his heart and I do feel bad for it, I know he hates that he can't be there instantly if anything happens, I hate that I can't go and see him for a few drinks and a chat like I used to... gah, and now I'm getting all emotional, like I said in my other comment, she'll come back and the space will clear her head :)
Fern The curfew and phone things are, sorry were, more because of our younger kids, we don't want their sleep disturbed by the phone ringing in the middle of the night and her clanking about in the kitchen at 3am, but I will admit part of the curfew is that we worry about where she is if she doesn't check in.
Post a Comment
<< Home